The Forgetful Frog #18: Savoring Reconnection and a Cheese Croissant

The Forgetful Frog
By The Forgetful Frog February 17, 2016 09:43

forgetful-frog-image3-300x2301-300x230-13By The Forgetful Frog

I can’t really explain why I recently reached out to my sister Teresa. We lost touch many years ago, because I was overwhelmed by the apparent responsibility of being an aunt to her six children.

I have always adored my sister, but I was uncomfortable playing a key role in the lives of young children. Especially when I was much younger, it was frightening. I was afraid I would say or do something and unintentionally scar them for life. I was 20 years older by the time I met my husband’s children. By then, I was pleased and confident taking part in their lives.

I struggled to maintain continuity with my sister as her family grew, and I continued my single life 3,000 miles away. After some years, she suggested sending her oldest daughter to stay with me for a while during summer vacation. If I had been the person I am now, I would have jumped at the opportunity. But I was younger, and less confident.

It was probably the pressure I felt from that proposition that caused me to let her know that I needed to be separate from her for a while. I was not prepared to be a reliable person in the lives of her six children. And I did understand that being present, but on the periphery, would probably be as stressful for them as it was for me.

It’s the next day now. I just spent 10 minutes trying to write one sentence about how wonderful Dragon is. Ironically, I gave up out of frustration. I think maybe Dragon does not like praise.

I have a heating pad on my sore neck. I don’t know what caused the pain, but I am hoping it will subside …

It’s cold and raining outside. In my old life, this weather would make me feel blue. But, given California’s water troubles, I am actually cheered by the cold wetness.

We are remodeling both of our bathrooms, so life is pretty disorganized right now.

For lunch today, I had leftovers from an event. It was a croissant stuffed with cheese, and heated. It was heavenly! And, something which my husband would never give me normally. Too unhealthy. It made me think that, if someday I outlive my beloved husband, that will be a good time to eat all the melted cheese and chocolate chip cookies I want. I feel guilty about it, but the thought does lessen the anguish that normally accompanies my thoughts of possibly, one day, being without him.

In addition to reaching out by email to my sister, I have played a few games of email scrabble with her. What fun! I think I actually won a game. Given that my sister is much smarter than I, winning a game is a real treat.

To be continued…

The author, who asks to remain anonymous, is a foothills resident in her 50s who writes with the help of a computer tablet and speech-recognition software. She hopes that her notes on coping with the physical and emotional aspects of disability will help others facing difficult challenges know that they are not alone.
The Forgetful Frog
By The Forgetful Frog February 17, 2016 09:43
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