The Forgetful Frog #15: Walking Toward Recovery

The Forgetful Frog
By The Forgetful Frog January 7, 2016 12:13

forgetful-frog-image3-300x2301-300x230-13Dainty feet! I just got new sneakers, and they are size 8.5. I used to wear a 10! This is the one good thing about all my troubles. When all is said and done, I have dainty feet. It’s not such a big deal for kids these days, but when I was growing up, my big feet were an embarrassment.

I keep forgetting that my job now is recovery. My top priority is learning to walk. The more active I am physically, the more my brain also recovers. Every single day, I become embroiled in an online search for volunteer opportunities. I go through the same steps every day, and after awhile, I realize I have done it all before. I cannot stop thinking of the lyrics from a song by Jewel, “I won’t be made useless. Won’t be idle with despair.”

Eventually, every day, my husband reminds me that this is a temporary period, where I recover, so I can find something useful to do.

It’s the next day now, and I have just finished watching one of my favorite movies, In Bruges. I love that movie for many reasons, but this time, I discovered a new one. There’s one line, something about everything degenerating into a Bosch-ian nightmare. I studied just enough art history in college to pick up on the reference to the painter, Hieronymus Bosch. Amazingly, Dragon recognized his name!

I could not help thinking today, when I heard that line, it is a fair description of how my life often feels, these days. The constant breakdown in time, confusion over what hour, day, month, year we are in. I think it sounds trite, when I read over that last sentence. Sadly, it is precisely how I fit into the world, at this time. I am still struggling to discover a system for having continuity. I tried having my iPad alarm every hour, thinking I could maintain a thread from one hour to the next. Unfortunately, it proved more irritating than helpful.

Thinking about Bosch, today, it seemed like my surroundings are often confused and droopy, melting into one another . In some ways it gets a little better all the time. But in other ways, the slow, lurching improvement in my perception and memory only serve to heighten the confusion.

I hate starting my day without coffee. I am substituting chocolate milk. If I had a bit more wherewithal, I would make hot chocolate. Sadly, getting the chocolate milk into a cup, the cup into the microwave, pressing the right buttons, and removing the hot beverage without spilling seems like a process beyond my ability, at this early hour of the morning. Ironically, I am certain I could manage it, if I could have a cup of coffee first.

Rubbing salt substitute into emotional wounds. So, on top of all my health troubles, salt is now a complete no-no. Cut off my toes, make me drink decaf coffee, even limit my chocolate intake, but don’t take away my salt shaker! Rats! There is no denying that my blood pressure was skyhigh just now, when my husband measured it. Likewise, I can’t even pretend that I missed a single french fry from my lunch plate. Or that I did not heap salt on them before indulging. It seems, one by one, all my favorite things are proving to be evil. I need to cultivate some new favorites! Fortunately, my favorite composers and movies seem unable to ruin my health. Bach, Mozart, and Casablanca are still faithful go-tos.

Froggie practices standing
Her therapist is quite demanding
Get up on your feet
recovery complete
To you no one else will be handing.

To be continued…

The author, who asks to remain anonymous, is a foothills resident in her 50s who writes with the help of a computer tablet and speech-recognition software. She hopes that her notes on coping with the physical and emotional aspects of disability will help others facing difficult challenges know that they are not alone.


The Forgetful Frog
By The Forgetful Frog January 7, 2016 12:13
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1 Comment

  1. AnnieB January 27, 22:33

    I love reading the entries of the Forgetful Froggie. Every one of them strikes a cord in my own life. Thank you for publishing these.

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